What I hear

I'm not sure if I can explain this well, but I want to try.  We recently went to a family reunion with pretty distant relatives. I had an interesting conversation with a distant cousin's wife.  She doesn't know our story, but immediately started talking to me about her daughter's difficulty having children and their thoughts about trying to adopt.  (This is what happens when you have a multiracial family)

Anyway, I did not offer up my children's stories.  Maybe someone had told her we were foster parents, I don't know.  She kept saying that her daughter just couldn't do foster care because she just couldn't take it "if they came and took the baby".  It was a unique variation on the, "I could never do that, I'd get too attached"  comment. 

I want to write what it feels like to me at this stage of foster parenting when someone says they could never do that because they would get too attached.

1.  I passed too attached a long time ago, and it scares the snot out of me (thanks for bringing it up)

2.  So if I have willingly signed up to live this life, then I must be heartless because I will one day give them back (this is what foster parents hear when you say this to us).  

3.  I agree not everyone should be foster parents (particularly those still struggling through infertility.  Our life has had stages, we would have made terrible foster parents a decade ago.)

4.  What if it were you? What if your life was falling apart, you made some stupid decisions and as a result you temporarily lost custody of your children? (don't get on your high horse, there but for the Grace of God go all of us).  Wouldn't you hope for a second chance?  Wouldn't you hope your kids were treated well, loved , supported, encouraged to love you during that time?  This life is bigger than my comfort and needs.

5.  Not giving them back is called kidnapping.   

6. We signed up for this willingly.  We were trained, and are continually trained in caring for kids that are not our own from tough places.  No one lied to us, we knew what we were getting into.

7.  The pain of giving them back is a result of great joy of living with them.  If there wasn't a whole lot of good in living life with our kiddos it wouldn't hurt.

8.  If it doesn't hurt, I did it wrong.  We are talking about standing in for parents to kids.  In our current situation young kids.  Sometimes for a large percentage of the child's life. They only get one childhood.  They deserve to have a parent that adores them even if it's for a little bit.  Even if that parent is a foster parent .  Grief is a sign of a job well done.

9.  I (&you if you are called to it) can do all things(including letting go of a child I love) through Christ who gives me strength.