May is here, hallelujah! May is not only the wrap up of our school year and the gateway to summer, it is also foster care awareness month. As a foster parent we often hear the statement from others about not being able to foster because it would be too hard to give them back. So how are we a couple of weeks after we said goodbye to our foster son of 2.5 years? I think people really want to know how we are doing, but it's really hard to know how to ask. So I'm just going to answer it here for those who want to know, as part of foster care awareness, and for me to be able to look back on. I'm not sure how composed this will be, it may be more of a stream of consciousness than a composed post.
For the most part we are very good. We have slept in, gone to the movies as a family with just big kids, had no morning melt downs, and simply recovered from a very long ride on the foster care roller coaster. What most people do not know is the last part of those two and a half years was really rough. The system and the realities of life took everyone involved on some rough twists and turns. As much as we loved deeply and fully, there was some relief when the court decision was finally made and we were all out of limbo. For months we expressed how badly our little guy needed to be wherever he was going to be, the back and forth was detrimental, he needed permanency. As we drove away from court without him there was some joy mingled with our tears that he finally had permanency.
This is what we worked for. The goal in his case was always reunification with parent. It never changed in those 2.5 years. We loved deeply, fully, as if he was ours BUT he never was ours and no one ever said he would be ours. We never let our children believe he would stay forever, and we spoke of his mother daily. There were visits that reminded all involved that he had a family who was working to be able to have him home permanently.
I looked into his mother's eyes that day in court. I can't really write about that because I need to protect their privacy, but it I didn't grieve like I was losing a son because of her eyes. Was I/am I still sometimes sad? Absolutely. But she is a real person who was getting another chance that day. There is so much good in that. I couldn't be devastated because I had hope for her and in turn for him.
My God is a god of comfort. He has been with us every step. He has been close to us all through this transition back to a family of 4. He has provided friends, fun, laughter, unexpected time with our children, a beautiful spring after a long winter, and hope for all of our future. He has provided prayer in the sad or anxious moments. He is good, may He receive all the glory.
So how are my kids? They are good. We have had sadness and grief. We have had times of missing their brother where we just needed to hold close and remember him. But we have also had dreams for our future as a foster family. They both say they want us to keep doing foster care as a family. They both have developed wish lists for who they would like to have join us next.
My daughter expressed just days after court that she wasn't devastated. She told me she really expected to be, but she wasn't. She went on to describe in 10 year old words a hopeful sadness. I completely agree with her assessment.
The other night we were discussing when we would be ready to start again. As we came to a decision, they both cheered at the thought of opening our home again. We are a foster FAMILY not just foster parents.
I grieved a lot before he left. The last few months and particularly the last 6 weeks were rough. I grieved hard during those times. The not knowing, the limbo, the not being able to make any plans at all was rough. The knowing is better. I can deal with known so much better than the unknown. Sadness does creep in sometimes. Memories are all over this house, and our life, but the memories are fond memories. His picture remains all over our home just like the other two. He may no longer live in this house, but he will forever live in our hearts. Family court has no jurisdiction there.
So that's where we are. So glad for the time with our little guy. Thankful for every day that he was here. Certain he was here as long as he was supposed to be, but not a day longer. Hopeful for his future because we trust that God holds his future. Hopeful for our future as well. Knowing that this life is never easy and is full of brokenness, but God is good.
