Rules, rules

So foster homes have to comply with a LOT of rules. We are after all caring for someone else's child. There's a lot of liability in that for us, our agency, and the state. Therefore, the rules are designed to keep us all safe. In training they kept reminding us that every rule was due to some incident or situation in past. Some of it is just common sense parenting stuff, and some of it gets down right cumbersome.

For instance, I have to have a decal on my glass storm door so that a child in our care knows there is a glass door there and doesn't run into it. You'd think the smudges from three kids going in and out would be enough, but no we must have a decal ;).

I've already mentioned that all the medications in the house have to be under lock and key (we keep ours in a lockable toolbox). I get this one, I really do. Sometimes it becomes humorous when you've got a bunch of sick kiddos around. Mom looks like she's going to do some home repair instead of hand out the tylenol. We had more sickness this winter than we have had in a long time. I spent a lot of time with my toolbox, and we grew used to getting it out almost daily.

A couple of weeks ago my mom came to help out for a few days. We had some stuff going on here that required more adult hands than my husband and I have. Mom came to the rescue.

While she was here, she asked if I had any Benadryl. Sure, I'll just go get it. So off I head to the closet to pull out my toolbox. It suddenly hit me how absurd I looked coming down the hall with the bright orange toolbox all for a little Benadryl. Mom did kind of give me the "what are you doing" look as I opened my big box of Meds. Just trying to stay compliant :).

Foster care FAQ: How are you ever going to give him back?

Or it's close cousin in comment form: I could never give them back. It's the one thing most people know about foster care: it's not permanent. Therefore lots of conversations come around to this question.
From the moment we started training to be foster parents, it has been drilled into our heads that the goal of foster care is always reunion with family. So, I do not think of my foster children as my forever children. They are my "for now" children, and I have no idea how long "now" will last so I enjoy today. I don't make long term plans. I don't buy clothes for next fall when things go on sale as I would if a child were here forever. I talk to my kids about birth families, and how we hope children in our care can safely return to them. I send letters to the family when at visits so they can have an update. This helps my heart remember he is not here for good. I do however lavish them with love as if they were here forever. All kids who come into foster care have been abused or neglected in some form. Love and healthy family life is very important.

Honestly, I don't know what it will be like when our first little one leaves. I know we will be sad and feel the loss. I hope we can feel good about whatever situation little one goes to. I know that I will have to abide by decisions made whether I agree or not. I don't know what it will be like, but I know that just because child leaves does not mean that what we are doing is void of value.

Here's a way I can relate it to something most people have experienced. My daughter is in the second grade. She has an incredible teacher this year who she absolutely adores. Her teacher pours into those children for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 9 months. She has taught them, cared for them, disciplined them for their own good, raised the bar of expectations of them, experienced life with them, and loved them. I have been in the room and on field trips with my daughter's class. They love their teacher and she loves them. I expect sadness and tears from my daughter in May. Her teacher may be sad as another group leaves her room, but she never expected them to stay. It was never intended that they would remain past the time needed in that class. When they move on, her room will be available for the next set of kids who need her to teach them all that second grade has to offer.
I know it is not a perfect analogy because we are not talking about a classroom. But I feel like the part about mindset is worth remembering. From the moment I knew about my foster child, I knew that one day they would leave our home. I guard my heart and my children's hearts. We know this is for a season, but we chose to pour into thiis little life for this season and hope they carry the lessons learned forever.
Finally, no one can make us stop loving or praying for children who come into and leave our home. We have told our children that we will never ask them to stop loving or caring for their foster siblings. We have encouraged them that God will always know where their foster siblings are, and the best thing we can do is pray for them forever.

I never was that flexible

People ask me a lot if it has been hard adjusting to having an extra kiddo. In a lot of ways, yes it has been hard going from man to man to a zone defense in our parenting. But I don't think the extra little one in the house is the hard part. The hard part has been adjusting to the entourage. Little one has a social worker, we've got a family social worker, there's a transporter that supervises visits, early intervention instructor, and then the typical pediatrician appointments. All of these people are involved in our life very often. They call or send text messages often, even when I'm trying to work or do other things. They set up visits that I have to organize so that they don't ovelap. All the while, I still have a job and two other kiddos with busy schedules. Not to mention my husband. I am learning to be a lot more flexible and just take it one thing at a time.
Today, I got a call that a visit had been rescheduled for later in the day than it usually is. It was fine, but I had to do some quick refiguring to make sure everything else was taken care of. It feels like my day belongs to someone else very often. I'm learning to just accept that flexibility is a must in this foster care deal.

Why a blog

Over the last week, I have been posting my most frequently asked quesations about foster care on my Facebook page. It turns out that I really enjoy writing about foster care. Obviously not the private components that I cannot talk about, but my experiences that are not private or specific to any particular foster child. When we adopted, I had a blog. It was my source of free therapy during the process. It also serves as a record of things that I can no longer remember.
So I'm going to try it again. This time about our life as a foster family. That is after all why the Meds in this house are all in a bright orange toolbox. They have to be locked up for our foster care license, and the orange toolbox meets the requirements.
So that's the first glimpse into our foster home, more to come!