We are preparing our hearts and our minds to say "Goodbye". There are moments that the sadness of saying goodbye catches me off guard. I am happy that this little one can be out of foster care and hopefully have permanency. I am thankful for our time together, and amazed at how much healing has taken place in these months.
But I'm no going to lie or downplay the sadness in my heart. I have loved because that is what was needed. I did not hold back love or affection because it was temporary. I poured into th little one, and had the honor of watching what a consistent, loving environment can do for a child. He will forever hold a part of my heart because for this time he was my baby boy. We have told our kids from the beginning of this that we will never ask them to stop loving their foster siblings. I will never ask myself to stop loving either. Saying Goodbye will be painful even though we expected this and we understand the benefits of being with his family.
I have also been thinking a lot about what it will mean for us after ths little one leaves. I know the phone will ring again. I know that I will be given a brief story of a child who has been neglected, abused, or abandoned. A child who needs to come into foster care to be kept safe and allowed to heal. We will be asked if we can take them in. Oh how my heart wishes that call would not come. I am willing, but I do not want to be needed. When I think about how close we are to our current little guy leaving I realize it is very possible the next child who enters our home may already be in danger. May already be hurting. The "hello" of foster care is a reminder that the need continues. Hearing the story and starting to try to build a healthy relationship is not easy. There is no trust or relationship to draw on, it all has to be built over time.
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