This post is very real. It is a peek into how I am procesing one of the hardest parts of foster care. Folks run away from being foster parents because of the intrinsically temporary nature of the relationship. The day we expect that our little guy will leave is getting closer. We openly talk about him leaving with our children as we are making summer plans. When we talk about going to the beach we remind them that he will not be there because they start making plans that include him.
I've had to give one of my children back before. When our son was in Guatemala we went to meet him and visit him nearly a year before he would eventually be adopted and come home. At the time that we visited him, we had no idea when he would come home. His case was becoming more complicated all the time. We spent a week with him. We took care of him, loved him, and just got to know him. At the end of the week we had to go home. I had to give my baby back to his caregivers and walk away.
It felt like my heart was being physically removed from my body. I can remember physically feeling the emotional stress of leaving him behind. I had loved him from a distance for many months, but I had only been with him for one week.
By the time we get to the likely "goodbye" date, we will have been taking care of this little guy for 7 months. We have been his family and all that entails. I know that my heart is going to feel like it is being removed again. If it didn't then I was a terrible foster mom. He needed us to love him deeply, and we have.
The days and weeks after I gave my boy back in Guatemala were tough. I missed him. But you know what? I survived. I healed. And eventually I could see how God worked in our life through those hard times. If we had not had to go through such a difficult adoption process then we would not have the heart for orphans we have today. We would not have the marriage and family we have today. And we would not have had the priviledge of knowing this litle one.
The time that we have with him may be ending, but I hope what he has gained here will go with him. He is a treasure.
And the tears are streaming down my face. Wow, I remember ALL TOO WELL that feeling! It was the most amazing and the most painful time in my life all wrapped up in one Mayan package. I would do it all over again, given the opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine your emotions now, however, with your little guy. I pray that the transition goes smoothly...for everyone involved. (And that your heart heals quickly.)
Beautiful. No words. Praying for y'all and for what God has in store for him!!!
ReplyDelete