This post is coming from a bunch of different thoughts all running around in my head. The first is May is National Foster Care month. Second, I think that a lot of people want to do something to help foster children, but might not be in a place to open their home right now. Third, the prospect of having a new foster placement after our current little one leaves brings up memories of how hard those first few weeks and months were with this little guy. The "hello" of foster care has its own set of challenges. Fourth and finally this blog started out of a few frequently asked questions I answered on Facebook. One of my favorite questions when we were adjusting with this little guy: "can I bring dinner?". Not necessarily frequently asked, but asked by some wonderful ladies who saw my need, and reached out to me.
So all that has been floating around in my head, and it made me think of that saying about it takes a village to raise a child. Well,foster families really need a village. A diverse village of folks who have different roles. With it being foster care month I thought I'd write about our developing village. Appearing in no particular order:
1. The professionals: social workers, therapists, and early intervention specialists. They provide the support services for the child and sometimes the foster family. Necessary people who work hard. The number of texts and phone calls I would get in a day during the first few weeks of this placement could drain my cell phone battery by 10am. It's overwhelming at times. There have been weeks when I was thankful for the weekend just to have a break from managing the foster care schedule.
2. Friends who have kept my big kids. At the beginning of this placement we were getting very little sleep. For months we got very little sleep. We were exhausted. People did not realize how sleep deprived we were because he was not a newborn, but because of several issues sleep wasn't happening. A friend knew of the situation took my big kids one Sunday afternoon. We slept while the baby slept. It was wonderful. My big kids got special attention, and came home to rested parents. Win. Win.
3. Friends with food. A lot of times people don't think of foster families, or even adoptive families, with a new child like they would a family who had just given birth. I realize the physical recovery is not there. I have given birth. I've adopted a child as a toddler, and I've brought home a todddler with 90 minutes notice. There are a couple of things that have occurred each time. First, my previous schedule no longer works, therefore, making dinner is tough. Second, life is overwhelming with a new family member until things settle down no matter the method of arrival. Third, both of the toddlers I have brought home have had stress reactions to me cooking. I don't know if it was the food preparation or the fact that I'm paying attention to something else. Either way both kiddos have freaked out when I start to cook at first. I'm not that poor of a cook. The friends who brought meals literally lifted stress off of my shoulders.
4. Neighbors. My neighbors are wonderful. They fully embraced our little one from the beginning. They have kept my kids during social worker visits to help out without even being asked. They saw the cars, knew what was going on, and invited my kids over to play. They bought cute outfits when he first came and wrapped them up just like we had had a baby. No worries about how long he would be here, just welcoming him to the neighborhood.
5. Daycare. The daycare we are using is familiar with foster families. They are accustomed to kids being picked up to go to visits, and dealing with the payment system for childcare. They have been another good support for me.
6. Friends who listen. Sometimes having all the responsibility for a child and none of the authority to make decisions can make you batty. Today I literally stomped my foot in frustration several times after reading an email. Having a friend or two to express those frustrations to is priceless. Not breaking confideentiality just saying "I'm FRUSTRATED."
7. Babysitting. This one is a challenge. The information here is specific to our state. If we want to have a babysitter at our house we have to get them fingerprinted and background checked if they are 18 or older. If they are a younger teenager we just have to do a quicker child abuse and neglect background check. We currently do to have any babysitters background checked. That means we cannot leave a foster child at our home with someone other than one of us. That includes the grandparents when they are in town. We can allow our foster child to stay at someone else's house as long as it is less than 24 hours. We did do this one time so we could get some of our continuing education hours in. This is an area I need to work on. I miss going out with my husband.
8. Praying friends. I have a few people who I ask to pray as specific things are happening with this little one. I try to maintain confidentiality and still have the prayer support we need. Knowing they are on their knees with me about needs we have is comforting.
This is not a comprehensive list. There are other people who support us as well. Parenting is hard no matter the method of arrival. Foster parenting is like extreme parenting at times. You can support a foster family and therefore the children in their care without ever having to open your own home. Foster families absolutely need a village too.
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