Mothers Day

Mothers day is hard for me. I realize that sounds absurd. I have two beautiful children who make me one proud mama. I have a wonderful mother who I celebrate, and a mother in law who raised my wonderful husband. All reasons to celebrate and enjoy the day. And in a lot of ways we do celebrate on Mothers Day, but often I have a lot of mixed feelings on that day.

Part of it is the scars of infertility. I hated Mothers Day for years. There was so much focus on how children are a blessing. Well, that blessing just wasn't happening for me. I know now that was because there was a different plan for my life, but at the time that felt like if I wasn't blessed with children then I must be cursed. When I'm in church on Mothers Day, I often remember how painful those services were and I realize that someone else in the room may be undergoing the same pain. I hurt for them, and pray for their comfort.

The other hard part is I have children who have other mothers. Mothers who gave them life, and for some reason cannot be with them. I hurt for their first moms. I hurt for my children who can't be with their first moms. As much as I love my children through adoption and foster care, I can never be that mom. There is loss involved that I cannot fix. On Mothers Day I feel their loss and their mothers' losses.

This year, I am also trying to find an appropriate way to encourage our foster son's mom. I believe in supporting her. I believe our encouragement is important. I cannot control how she responds or does not respond, but I can control me. Fostering our little guy also means fostering his relationships with his birth family in the hopes that those relationships can improve.

Mother Day is good. We should be thankful for our moms and for the opportunity to be a mom. For some of us it's just a little more complicated.