Communication

Hubs and I have talked to many social workers over the last 6+ years of this adoption and foster care life. I think we've had five home studies and we'll be due for an update for our foster care license by the end of this summer. That's a lot of talking about our life, family, and marriage. One question is always about strengths and weaknesses as a couple. We usually put communication down as both a strength and weakness. Acknowledging that communication is important to us, but we could always do better.

As our children are getting older and we are living this atypical life communication is becoming a big part of our parenting. We are a foster family. We are not just foster parents with some forever kids. Nope. We are in this thing together. It's not easy to have a child who has been abused or neglected in the middle of your family dynamic. Their needs are often greater than a child who has not experienced abuse or neglect. Increased needs often mean increased time and attention from mom and dad. But what about my kids who are here forever? As a family we have started having these little spontaneous family check ins with just the fiur of us. We usually grab some time when the baby is asleep. It gives us all a chance to talk about how we feel about how things are going. We have a safe place to voice any concerns or frustrations over what has been going on in the house. The kids can ask any questions about how the case is going for their foster sibling and we try to answer as honestly as we can. These little spontaneous meetings almost feel like a thermometer for me as the mom. I can gauge how my children are handling things and know if anybody needs some extra attention.

Last night I stole a few minutes with my kids to determine how they were feeling about foster care now that we are discussing their foster sibling moving sooner rather than later. I offered up the idea that we could take a break if the little one were to leave over the summer until after they went back to school. I touted the idea of just having our little family back for a while and they wouldn't have to share mom and dad. I asked each one of them what their vote was: take a break or don't take a break. They both were emphatic in their decision not to take a break. They want some one else to live with us. Now their Dad and I will make the decision about when to take our next placement, but I have to say I was impressed with my kids eagerness to help the next child who might need us. I think keeping them in the loop and acknowledging their feelings in this process through our little family check-ins has helped them feel like they are an important part of this.