Trading forevers

I remember my first night as a real foster mom.  The first night I tucked in someone else's child, and tried to make them feel safe.  There were lots of emotions that night, but I remember leaning over the crib praying that no matter how long this little one lived in our home that we would spend eternity praising our heavenly father together.  I remember praying for God to draw that little soul close.  

That night I had no idea how long our first placement would last, but I remember desperately wanting to impact this little life in such a way that a seed might be planted. That one day he might be drawn to Christ because of what he experienced here. That the Gospel might feel familiar and known, trustworthy and for him.   

Days turned to weeks, then months, then over a year.  Sometimes emotions can play tricks on you, and distract you.  I kept my first prayers of wanting this little one to be able to know God and to trust God, but some selfish prayers started sneaking in.  I began to want the "forever" we speak of on this earth.  The forever of family, the "till death do us part" kind of forever.  

Lately, I have had to reevaluate my motives and feelings (I am after all the FOSTER mom).  After much prayer and trying to just "be still" and not worry, I have decided I must focus on those initial prayers.  I want this little soul to spend the real forever as a child of God. I cannot control what happens on this earth for any of my children (the for now ones and the forever ones).  But I know that God is faithful when we fervently pray for things that are according to his will. 

(I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.
And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 1 John 5:13-15).  

So I will pray for the eternal forever.  I will trust God with the rest. 

(and I will come back and read this to myself when this life gets crazy overwhelming again and I start to worry). 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Revelation 21:4-5