There are moments when I don't feel like being the good foster parent. There are moments when I get angry at the stuff that foster parents deal with. When I want to get off the roller coaster, and just go back to our quiet life without case workers, home visits, and foster care limbo.
Sometimes when I'm dealing with night time kid issues or tough behaviors I think the horrible thought, "where is your mother to deal with this".
Sometimes when caseworkers seem reluctant to move toward a permanent plan for a child I find myself frustrated. So much so that I have to be careful not to pull away from the child involved. It's difficult to love a child like a mom, and still guard my heart.
People tell me a lot how great I am because I am a foster parent. I'm not great. I am very very human. All of those things that you might list on a con list for becoming a foster family, well those are all real. Some days those cons feel heavy.
Love is a choice. Even when I don't feel like continuing on this road I can choose to love. It stinks sometimes. Lots of times really, but I still believe it is worth it. Even when I don't feel like it.
I totally understand , I am too a foster parent and we live on the roller coaster that is foster parenting .
ReplyDeleteReally glad to find your blog. I'm thankful for the blogging "community" of Christian foster parents.
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