For at least six and a half years people have told me that they doubt their ability to love a non-biological child as they would a biological child. I have had the privilege of having a biological child as well as adopting a child, fostering, being an aunt on my husband's side of our family (no bio connection to me), and loving a couple of my friends' kiddos like my own. I think that comment is ridiculous,and I have an argument to support my thinking.
Love is not based on biology. I know this, and so do you. How do we know this, you ask? Where did you (or do you) look for a spouse? In your biological family? Um, no. If love were based on biological connection, the best marriages would be between brother and sister. Gross, I know, but if you extend the argument of needing biology to love a child to the love between spouses this is the natural conclusion.
Love and family are not based on biology. Love and family are based on relationships, time spent together, shared experiences that become family traditions, a sense of belonging, working together to overcome difficulty, and so much more.
Most parent-child relationships start with a biological foundation. It is a foundation that a RELATIONSHIP must be built upon. (The biology part only means that the hospital is sending a baby home with you). The relationship part is not based on biology. It is based on committment and time regardless of biological connection.
I guess it kind of gets under my skin when somebody makes that comment to me because I feel like they are questioning my love for my kiddos. My heart does not label my kids based on their entrance into my life. My heart holds every moment since as we have formed a relationship.
I, too, would be one rich lady if I had a dollar for every time someone said this very thing to me. The person who thinks this, is the person who is missing out on the beautiful opportunity God has intrusted us with. ALL children come from God. Period. Thanks for the post! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. You helped me to define my feelings when I hear this. Three of my seven children are adopted through foster care. They were our only three placements, but two did go back and forth multiple times. I know that pain, I know that hurt, I know that joy and laughter and pleasure from seeing children you love so much do so well. I get that twinge of pain when people say that they don't know how they could love a child that didn't come from their womb. Well, with my 3yo, who we've had since she was 24 days old. I was thinking about the birth stories of my older 4 and got to her (#5) and nearly lost my mind that I couldn't remember...till I remembered she was adopted! Now...that's what love is. I love them because I have relationships with them. Thank you.
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