Or it's close cousin in comment form: I could never give them back. It's the one thing most people know about foster care: it's not permanent. Therefore lots of conversations come around to this question.
From the moment we started training to be foster parents, it has been drilled into our heads that the goal of foster care is always reunion with family. So, I do not think of my foster children as my forever children. They are my "for now" children, and I have no idea how long "now" will last so I enjoy today. I don't make long term plans. I don't buy clothes for next fall when things go on sale as I would if a child were here forever. I talk to my kids about birth families, and how we hope children in our care can safely return to them. I send letters to the family when at visits so they can have an update. This helps my heart remember he is not here for good. I do however lavish them with love as if they were here forever. All kids who come into foster care have been abused or neglected in some form. Love and healthy family life is very important.
Honestly, I don't know what it will be like when our first little one leaves. I know we will be sad and feel the loss. I hope we can feel good about whatever situation little one goes to. I know that I will have to abide by decisions made whether I agree or not. I don't know what it will be like, but I know that just because child leaves does not mean that what we are doing is void of value.
Here's a way I can relate it to something most people have experienced. My daughter is in the second grade. She has an incredible teacher this year who she absolutely adores. Her teacher pours into those children for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for 9 months. She has taught them, cared for them, disciplined them for their own good, raised the bar of expectations of them, experienced life with them, and loved them. I have been in the room and on field trips with my daughter's class. They love their teacher and she loves them. I expect sadness and tears from my daughter in May. Her teacher may be sad as another group leaves her room, but she never expected them to stay. It was never intended that they would remain past the time needed in that class. When they move on, her room will be available for the next set of kids who need her to teach them all that second grade has to offer.
I know it is not a perfect analogy because we are not talking about a classroom. But I feel like the part about mindset is worth remembering. From the moment I knew about my foster child, I knew that one day they would leave our home. I guard my heart and my children's hearts. We know this is for a season, but we chose to pour into thiis little life for this season and hope they carry the lessons learned forever.
Finally, no one can make us stop loving or praying for children who come into and leave our home. We have told our children that we will never ask them to stop loving or caring for their foster siblings. We have encouraged them that God will always know where their foster siblings are, and the best thing we can do is pray for them forever.
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