When a couple is about to become parents no one can prepare them for what it will really be like to love their child. People try sometimes, but the description falls short because they have not yet experienced being parents.
I feel that way about trying to describe being a foster parent sometimes. Words fall short. I couldn't fully grasp how good and difficult it would be to be a foster parent until I had the experience of being a foster parent.
Today, I am thinking about a few things about foster parents that you may not have thought about.
1. Foster parents love their kids. Bio kids, adopted kids, foster kids. I do not parent based on labels. If I didn't think it might upset my big kids, I think I would describe our family this way when asked: we have a biological child, an adopted child, and a foster child; I just cannot remember which one is which. In my house everyone is loved - whether you're here for the afternoon or forever.
2. Foster parents have all the responsibility and none of the authority. This always hits home when going to the doctor. I have all the responsibility for the health and well-being of kids in my care, but I have no authority on my own to seek healthcare. I have a letter that allows me to seek medical care for our foster children, but anything beyond routine office visits involves caseworkers and birth parents. This can be frustrating when you are the one up in the middle of the night taking care of a sick baby, and it takes a while to address the underlying issue.
3. Foster parents do not focus on the temporary aspect of their job every minute. We are too busy doing life to focus on that. It is not necessary to remind us of it all the time. When you see us acting like a family, just let us have the moment. That means we are successfully doing our job, we are fostering family. While I understand the concern, it would have been nice to just live in the moment.
4. We celebrate our kids' accomplishments just as much as you celebrate accomplishments in your house. We get really excited when good things happen to and for our kids. We might not be able to post publicly, but we are no less excited. Watching a little one heal and make progress from a tough past is amazing. There are days I want to shout from the rooftops "look what God is doing", but because of privacy issues, I have to praise a bit more quietly.
5. We are the keeper of hard secrets, and some days that is overwhelming. We know things about our kids that we cannot share. We hurt when we hear more of the story, but we are limited in how we seek support for ourselves because it is not our story. This part was very hard for me in the beginning. I felt very isolated, and had to learn to ask for support while protecting privacy.
6. God is faithful. This is not fostercare specific, but I literally have to trust God with each day. There is a lot going on in our house. I cannot do it all. He can. He has, and He will.
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